Postcards From The 8

Dear Mr. S.,

I'm writing to you because you donated nearly a thousand dollars to a shameful attack on my family. You and your allies funded a campaign of outright lies, gross exaggerations, and misleading suggestions, and managed to convince the slimmest of majorities that this is just about symbolism, not about actual discrimination. That it's about (false) religious belief, and faith, not hate.

Well, you fooled them, and you may have fooled yourself, but you don't fool me, and I don't believe that you're fooling God, either. The good news is that there's still hope for redemption and salvation as long as you're still on Earth, and I'll pray for you.

I married my partner of six years on June 17, the first day it was legally recognized in California. We met three states ago, in Massachusetts in 2002. We moved together to Texas in 2003. You may recall that Texas overwhelmingly passed a constitutional amendment banning equal marriage rights for all citizens in 2005. Living through that campaign was an ugly, painful experience for me. It crystallized my feelings of unease in Texas into bitterness and contempt for a vile and hateful place. I decided that I wasn't going to contribute my emotional and economic energy to the betterment of a place which placed no value on my family or my life, and in 2007, we shook the dust of Texas from our feet and moved to California.

I still thank God for delivering me from Texas, although I am no longer moved to do so every day.

The news that the California Supreme Court had affirmed my equal right to marriage came on my 30th birthday, May 15. My partner and I went to dinner, and talked about it, and decided that we would marry as soon as it was possible for us to do so. I don't know if I can describe the feeling of elation that I had; I get a little shaky even thinking about it now. We've been together for a long time, and formed our household years ago, and have family holidays together, but this felt different. The ritual of standing up before God, our families, our friends, and the State, and professing our love for one another is truly powerful. We promised that we will support one another, and asked for the promise of support from our friends and neighbors.

That promise is what this is truly all about, although you may not realize it yet, or may deny it. Before I got married, I always felt like my "nieces" and my "in-laws," had air-quotes around them when I talked about them. One of the most powerful things about marriage is the connections it recognizes - not just the bond between two people, but the web of bonds between those two people and all of their loved ones, who they have brought together. I love my family, all of my family, and I refuse to acknowledge that the air quotes have been put back around half of those relationships.

This narrow victory of discrimination and intolerance that you bought earlier this month is Pyrrhic - your war has already been lost. All across California and the nation, all of the decent people and their families who believe that everyone is entitled to equal protection under the law woke up to realize that even if that concept is fundamental to both the California and the U.S. Constitutions, there are enough bitter and misguided people to challenge those basic rights. Your supporters are fearful and growing fewer with every passing day, and the march of freedom - including freedom from fear - will not be held back much longer. If not this year, then two years from now, or four years, or eight, Prop 8 WILL be overturned. One day, you and your grandchildren will be ashamed that you ever supported it.

Sincerely,

Andrew S.