Postcards From The 8

Dear Supporter of Proposition 8,

On election night November 4, 2008, my evening began with feelings of jubilation as America ushered in a new President and California, like so much of the rest of our country, had overwhelmingly supported Barack Obama, the first African American President elected to represent us all. Instantly, I thought Obama’s victory demonstrates how far we have progressed in California and across America toward accepting and getting past the superficial differences that exist between us and instead focusing on committing ourselves to our shared ideals of equality regardless of our differences. But then, on the same night, in sharp contrast, came passage of Proposition 8, designed expressly to bar access of an entire group Californians to the civil institution of marriage. I couldn’t believe this was happening in California, of all states. My mood on election night quickly turned from jubilation to grief and dismay. I am still profoundly disappointed, confounded and hurt by the fact that anyone could support such a discriminatory proposition.

How is it possible that anyone, let alone the same Californians who helped sweep the first African American President into office, could feel entitled to strip a whole class of people of their civil rights that they had just recently been granted? How could any Californians be willing to write one narrow interpretation of religious dogma into our state’s Constitution forcing all of us to abide by that narrow religious view? How could Californians deprive loving couples of their right to marry?

I have been blissfully married for many years. Allowing all loving, consenting adults access to marriage takes nothing away from the quality of my marriage, rather, it gives my marriage, and the institution of marriage itself, greater credence. On June 17, 2008, the first day that gay civil marriages were allowed in California, I had the privilege of witnessing my close friend’s wedding to his longtime domestic partner. It was on that day, with that experience, that I developed a much deeper appreciation of how important allowing their access to marriage is in demonstrating to our gay loved ones our acceptance of them as equals. Never have I known two people more in love or more committed to each other than are these two men. Watching them exchange the familiar wedding vows, and seeing with my own eyes how strongly affected they were and their tender resolve to live by those vows I saw how strongly they share the same desire that my husband and I share to fit solidly into society. In marriage my friends received the same commitment of the state and their community to protect and honor their family, their relationship that my husband and I received years ago. By requiring the government to remove this right of loving committed couples such as my friends to marry, we rewrite our constitution to define some people, in this case, gay people, as second-class citizens, defining their love as less worthy than other peoples love, and, to me, that is un-American, it’s wrong, and it hurts.

There is a Buddhist saying that in every loss there is a gain, as in every gain there is a loss. By revising our constitution to allow only certain privileged people to marry in California, we write discrimination into law, devaluing California itself; a major loss. By that action, we lost our chance to lead the nation, to stand up against bigotry. But in the days following this loss, California is experiencing something wonderfully new and hopeful; a vociferous cry for marriage equality, now, not just from California, but from all across the nation. This decry may be unstoppable.

Yours in disappointment and in hope,

Patrice Rogers