Postcards From The 8

Dear Neighbor:

It is important to me that those of you who voted to support Proposition 8, the recent initiative to remove the human and civil rights of gay people to marry, understand what your vote means to me and to my family. I hope that you are able to listen to my pain and anger, and to hear it with your heart.

I am a longtime Sacramento resident. I've worked, raised two wonderful sons, and have been married to my husband for 35 years. I'm the proud grandmother of three lovely hostages to the future. My youngest son is gay. Do you understand that this is not a 'lifestyle' for him? That this is not a 'choice' he made? This is who he is. He has known this is who he is since he was a teenager. You should also know that he is smart: he has a doctorate degree that he earned from one of the nation's most prestigious schools. He works hard, pays taxes, and is responsible about his civic duties. He is a faithful and committed friend. He maintains a varied and close set of relationships with people with whom he went to middle school, high school, college, graduate school, and from other cities he has lived in. He has an abiding commitment to family: he is a devoted godfather to his niece, a regular correspondent with his grandmother, and the one in our family who always remembers the thank-you note, the wedding remembrance, the postcard to the great-aunt in the nursing home. And so it came as no surprise that his chosen life-partner is very like him: smart and family-focused, thoughtful, hard-working, good at his job and engaged in the community.

When the Supreme Court found that these two men had the right to marry, they had no doubts and no hesitation. They married immediately, and just as immediately began planning the big celebration to acknowledge their commitment to each other, to their families, and to their immediate and larger community.

I am stunned that a bare majority of Californians believe that the commitment of these two lovely men is a threat to the social fabric, rather than a source of strength and happiness. I am astonished that people would feel that the creation of another family unit, with all the protections and responsibilities that go with the civil definition of marriage, is anything other than an opportunity to strengthen their own family. I am angry that a religious assertion from one group of churches should attempt to dictate the legal and social decisions of people who don't share those beliefs. And I am deeply angry at the hurt and exclusion of those who say to their fellow citizens: you are not equal, you are not entitled, and, ultimately, you are not acceptable.

I am working hard to follow my own religious dictates to forgive you, on the assumption that you know not what you do.

Sincerely,

C. Catherine Camp